2/1/10...after an interesting weekend.

*If this is your first time reading this blog, feel free to read prior posts written by me. No pressure, but it may help, lol! JP :)

I hope those that read this can either learn something or even respond to what I have written with insight from their own experiences or they own wisdom. I could surely use it right about now. So, please reply at the end of the post, if you can.

Here we go!

From the beginning of this year to to now, I have learned so much. One thing that is the MOST important learning experience for me thus far is TRUST. I have prayed for strength and I do think I have what it takes to be strong. Sometimes, however, it's VERY hard to put trust in someone and expect it in return. The ONLY man that should have ALL of my trust and have complete FAITH in is GOD himself.

To sum it all up, I gave more that what I should have to a guy, who considers himself a man. He ultimately was completely rude and disrespectful when he was rejected by me...again. It is truly sad to know that a person who considers himself a "man" would be so hurtful and wrong when he is being rejected by the opposite sex. It's a fact of life; so is acceptance. No one deserves the right to be disrespected, in any kind of way, by anyone. I knew that he wasn't the one when I had the feeling of me not loving him the way he claimed to have "loved" me. He professed many other things and in the end, it was all a huge LIE! I let my guard down and I'm the one that ends up being hurt. This isn't the first time I have been emotionally hurt by a man, but overall, I get fed up with putting myself through that and I regret ever investing my time. Is that wrong? Is my heart now made of ice? Do I even want to be in a relationship with a man when something like this has a possibility of happening? Why do I always put myself through the ringer and emotionally give my all when it is not reciprocated or when there isn't anything given in return? Most of all, why do I have constant feelings of regret after letting down my guard?

So many men have given me advice/suggestions on how to move on from such stupidity. Believe me, I do take it to heart. As of now, it is still a lingering feeling of all the unanswered questions that come to mind, but I also realize another ugly truth of this "relationship:" he obviously said all the nice things he knew a woman would want to hear so he could control the relationship in his own way or control what he wanted from me. Like a fool, I fell for it. I know, I know, life lesson, but it's a lesson that could have been prevented had I seen the warning signs early on. I saw them and I stayed...so therefore, I feel dumb and FOOLISH!

As of today, my guard is COMPLETELY UP and who knows? It may never come down. There may be a person who's worthy enough for me to let it down, but until I can see that happening, it's safe to say:

"I got this Ice Box where my heart used to be..."

Peace and love,

~Ms. V~